Today I went to enrol with my sisters at AMK driving centre as private students. After that we watched "The Last Kiss" (M18) movie. Uh.. Like watching pornography, haha, but I like the ending when the father told his daughter's boyfriend :" If you lie, you will lose her, and if you want her, you should not give up" The boyfriend waited outside the girlfriend's house for days under rain and shine (apparently the girl broke up with him). Finally after his sincere actions, they are back together :)

I can remember vividly what the father said, " Guys like to say I love her so much and can't live without her, but is the actions that are more important"

I think I am growing up real fast. Today I even sang to a christmas tree infront of my friends outside the Grand Cathay: "Here's my resolution, I am letting go, all I need to learn is along this road, I just want to be the best woman I can be, breathe, is my resolution."

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jastubee =)) 10:39 PM.

I realise everyday I am dreaming of the same person, and is getting very irritating, because it keeps appearing in my dreams. I want to forget it but I don't know why my dreams can't. Is it unconscious or what? I will wake up either sad or happy.

When I see this person in the future, I do not know whether I should initiate the conversation. But after much thinking, I respect the other party's decision of not seeing each other again. Well, I guess I have to purposely ignore this person forever.

How I wish I am like God who can forgets or even remember no more the sins people have done. Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more- Hebrews 8:12 Christ died for all our sins, God promises to forgive us and never bring up our sin again.

To enjoy the future, accept God's forgiveness for the past.

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jastubee =)) 11:18 AM.

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us- John 14:14
James 1:1-8 is about the testing of your faith that produces patience, and let patience have its perfect work, if you lack wisdom, ask God.

When you encounter a problem, remember these two words, "Just Pray" and talk to God about it, He'll give you what you need. We'll see Him working in our lives, His purpose is to fulfill our request whether big or small. I will let patience and God do their work to fulfill my request.

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jastubee =)) 12:08 PM.

"I Belong To Me"

I belong to me...

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I don't wanna have you in my life baby
It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right baby
Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody's got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in, baby
That who I am is not about who I am with, baby
That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I do

I don't need somebody to complete me
I want you to know
I'll give up my love but I'm not giving up my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yea

Love don't mean changing who you are to be
Who somebody wants you to be
Nobody's got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

Is best to forget one another maybe until I forget you

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jastubee =)) 10:44 AM.

Haiz, I did not go church today because I woke up with a bad stomachache, must be the chilli and spicy food from SiamKitchen. I really think it is not worth it for the buffet, because almost all the food out of 20 dishes, I think I know how to cook. Simple dishes like fishcake, fried chicken wings and satay...

So I read my daily bread instead, "Be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition"- 2 Timothy 2:24-25. Christians should not humilate or ridicule people, instead we should show people whom we disagree with, with kindness and respect. I should be more gracious and kind to people who had hurt me but still sticking to the stand for what I believe. My seconday school days were kind of screwed up because I made alot of enemies, you hate me, I hate you, I friend you, I don't friend you... so childish.

Today, I went to my Auntie's condominium to celebrate her son's 1st month birthday! Ate lots of food.... When I was walking to the carpark, I saw a very cute dog. I hate dogs you know, but that dog is so cute. It is grey in colour, with soft and short curls all around its body. I was smiling at it.. ( I can't believe I did that) And you know what, the dog rush towards me and lick my leg. Did Jasmine ran away like she did last time? NONONO, she did not. What happend to me? Even the owner asked me whether I have dogs at home, because it is so rare for his dog to lick a stranger passing it by. Gosh.. I think I have some affinity with dogs? Or maybe I am starting to like dogs.

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jastubee =)) 9:26 PM.

I invited Shi yun, Hui Ying and Ying Hui over for lunch, dinner and mahjiong. I cooked both lunch and dinner for them. I cooked italian pasta which comprises of spices, spaghetti, prawns, chicken cubes and broccoli. Yummy healthy food! They rated an average of 8/10. Well I love cooking, hope that I can cook again for them in future:)

We played mahjiong for 3 hours and I think Shi yun won the most money, haha. Later they started playing with my curling and other styling devices for their hair. Ying Hui's curly hair was so nice!

I cooked light dinner for them, was just baked potato with bacon chips and mayonnaise. They rated an average of 10/10!!! Hee, they say I am a MAMA, well I think I don't mind being a MAMA.

We were around suntec and esplanade at around 8pm, Shi Yun had the urge to indulge in ice-cream and I know that near Singapore river(the best memories I ever had), there might be those $1 ice-cream old man. True enough, near one fullerton, we bought ice-cream! After that, we took BEAUTIFUL pictures with the MERLION. Some photos may be an insult to the beautiful scenary of Singapore, but we sure had fun playing with our creativity.

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jastubee =)) 11:33 PM.

His righteousness endures forever- Psalm 112:9.

The reason why we are unhappy now because we are longing for the good old days and the past happiness and memories we had. The enjoyment and fun we had were something memorable and also something we want it to last forever. For example love... it was a perfect love you thought, a true love indeed, but love is one of the things in this world that don't last.

They are vacillating, changeable, capricious. In time, they may be taken away from us and replaced with isolation, weakness and pain. Everything seems so unpredictable and unstable, but only God's righteousness endures forever. This is how I interpreted it.

Trust God to give you the happiness and dreams that you want, what I plan to do is to long for that dream, even if it come true or not, I will still be happy, but I will be happier if my dreams are fulfilled.

It is true that my friends said I am maturing in an EMO way, well I like that, this is the new Jasmine, she rocks on.

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jastubee =)) 1:41 PM.

I realise I actually have depression before, and I can't believe that I didn't know that, I thought it wasn't serious until I read this article from www.beinggirl.com.sg. And found out I have most of the signs and symptoms of depression.

Green means yes

Do you feel sad all the time?
Do you feel uninterested in things that used to excite you?
Have you noticed changes in your appetite?
Do you sleep a lot? Or find it hard to sleep?
Do you feel anxious and hyper? Or really drained of energy?
Do you feel bad about yourself?
Do you feel confused or have difficulty making decisions?
Do you think about death or suicide?
Do you have lots of aches and pains?
Do you skive school or get much lower marks than you used to?
Have you run away? Or do you daydream about it?
Do you cry or get angry really easily?
Do you abuse alcohol or drugs?
Are you over-sensitive to rejection and failure?

And I found out that I have recovered from depression on my own through Jesus :)

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jastubee =)) 11:49 AM.

"He is the Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are justice" - Deuteronomy 32:4. It is true that you can feel Jesus totally even in one day, I thought I will need years to understand him, but now I realise I need Jesus in my life.

Life is really unfair, but before we think that life is unfair, we must see our life as a whole, actually our life in fact isn't that unfair at all. Just because of one setback, we blame God for the unfairness. But look at how healthy and fit we are. Able to go through 18 years of my life, I am already contented and grateful that I have the chance to grow up to see the world.

We are not the arbiters of fairness. God is, and He knows far more than we do about His plans and purposes. The question isn't about fairness. In the end, it's about trust in a faithful God who knows what He is doing. Life will never look fair. But when we trust God, we always know that He is faithful.

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jastubee =)) 9:33 PM.

Today, I went to Grace Baptist Church with my classmate Alicia, her sister and her mother. It was my first time there because I felt uncomfortable in the previous church which is the New Creation Church. The reason why is because I don't want to hurt anybody there (if you don't understand is ok). But I'll be going to New Creation Church Night Bible Study every friday alone, hopefully I won't see what I am not supposed to see.

The pastor today preached Nehemiah 4:1-6, what I learnt is that people who ridiculed, insulted or scolded you are firstly people who do not like changes and secondly who do not know how great is God. I was talking to some people there about my situation and suprisingly, I learnt that the person whom I know who he/she say is very devoted to Jesus, actually does not know the goodness of God. No point using harsh words or evil threats, the person who lose out is you.

No matter how much oppositions I have, no matter how much I was ridiculed, these obstacles will give me words of wisdom and also the wisdom to carry out the right decisions and actions. Instead, I must move on and continue my life, because thinking about the past will not let me see the goodness of God. Jesus will accompany me and I will grow up to learn more about life and be positive towards life. I have to move on at the same time still holding onto the dream I wanted to have. It may not be possible but fate and Jesus will give me the happiness I want.

I really thank God today for letting me know about this verse which is related to my situation. I just went through the most critical and difficult part of my life, I am relieved I am still alive and positive about my future, thank you Jesus.

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jastubee =)) 9:28 PM.